Not My Child! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Landon most definitely did not sign to me that he was all done on the potty seat only to then poop on the floor. Nope, not my child! My well mannered child knows better than to tell me that he is all done with the potty seat and would never poop on the floor as I am getting him a new diaper. Even if he had, he most certainly would not be so proud of this feat that he had to pull my hand and walk me over to it to show me while flashing me his biggest smile saying "poopie"! Nope, not my child!

Landon did not open the fridge and pull out the barbecue sauce. Even if he had managed to get out the barbecue sauce he most certainly would never unscrew the cap and finger paint Tinkerbell with the sauce. Nope, not my child! He would never find a way to cause so much trouble in the two seconds that it takes me to go to the bathroom. I guess I was asking for it when I decided to actually shut the bathroom door behind me.

Landon would never become bored with his toys and insist on playing with my sunglasses. Even if he did decide to play with my sunglasses, he would never break yet another pair of my sunglasses. Landon would never find it funny to break my back up pair of sunglasses (he broke my main pair two weeks ago) leaving me with none. Nope, not my child!

This post would never cause a discussion on the proper spelling of poopie! We would never discuss such issues as to whether it is "poopy" or "poopie". Nope, not us! Such a disgusting topic would never be prime time discussion in this house.

Not My Child! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Landon did not fall down the stairs and let out a horrific cry causing me to think that he split his head open. When I ran to him he started pointing towards the ground which is when I realized the real reason for his crying- he dropped his Tigger in the fall. Landon would never cry more for his dropped Tigger then over his fall. Nope, not my Landon! My Landon would never scare me like that.

Landon did not go on an Easter egg hunt and walk away without any eggs. My Landon would never be so tired that he throws a tantrum during egg hunting and misses out on collecting eggs. Nope, not my Landon! Landon has more composure than that.

Landon did not require 3 outfit changes in one day. There was no possible way that my Landon would require 3 new outfits in one day because he couldn't keep clean. Nope, not my Landon! He would never get ketchup and poop all over himself three times in just a couple of hours.

Landon did not wake up the other morning wanting to eat a popsicle. Even if he had, Landon most certainly would not proceed to pull a laundry basket filled with folded laundry over to the fridge to use it as a stepping stool to get to the freezer. He most certainly did not do this after I told him that 7:00 a.m. was too early for popsicles. Nope, not my Landon!

Not my child Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Landon most certainly did not pick up a dead lizard and call out "Momma" to get me to turn around so that he could throw it in my face. Nope, not my child! Landon would never do such a thing. He has far more control to throw a lizard into my face. Landon did not flip the dog water bowl over for the umpteenth time this week and then splash in the puddles of water soaking his newly bathed and freshly dressed self. Nope, not my child! He is always on his best behavior. Landon also did not then go and dump all of the dog food out and try sweeping it up himself which caused even more of a mess. Nope, not my child! Landon did not go to story time the other day and only last for two minutes before having to leave. Nope, not my child! He is always on his best behavior and will never have to be asked to leave story time because he can't sit still. Landon would also never throw his shoes into a tub full of water and then proceed to get them out and splash the water from them all over me while laughing hysterically. Nope, not my child! He would never find such a thing to be so funny.

Since I wrote all of the things that Landon did not do this week it is time to air my dirty laundry. I most certainly did not hide one of Landon's toys so I would no longer have to hear him whine over the fact that it is defective. Nope, not me! I would never hide a defective toy from my son to give my pounding headache a break. I then did not go and e-mail the toy company to tell them that the toy is defective and it will not stand straight up on its own causing my son to scream and cry because he can't get said toy to stand up straight. I know my e-mail will do no good and I can't return it because it came in a set with 8 other Pooh figures (thankfully, all of which work fine) and all of the Darby figures were made the exact same way- her head is too heavy for her body and she falls over. At least I felt better by telling the company how I felt. I would never write someone just to make myself heard. Nope, not me!